First off, I just want to congratulate Tom Cruise on being so committed to a cause, a belief, that he was willing to sacrifice logic, reason, and most importantly, sanity in order to devote his life to something that is greater than him.

Bravo!

I so wish I could do that.
The only thing I ever believed in that was greater than me was my desire to light cats on fire, and my court-appointed therapist made me stop doing that.
He was all like, “That’s insane!” and “you can’t just go around lighting cats on fire,” and I was like, why?
And he was all like, “it’s illegal to kill…blah, blah, blah….,” and some other nonsense about going to jail or something.

But, anyway, I just got done watching Tom Cruise’s video on Scientology and all I want to know is, “Where do I sign up!?”
The stream of logic and coherence known as the Tom Cruise Indoctrination video is the only thing that has ever made me feel sane. I mean, I knew Tom Cruise was happy when he jumped on Oprah’s couch, but look how happy he is when he talks about Scientology.

You can see his happiness in his eyes:

And think! Whenever there’s an accident, I’ll be the only one who can truly help!
Screw the paramedics and trained “medical professionals.” They’re all in league with the psychiatrists.
All out to steal your precious bodily fluids, or thetans, or whatever.

It’s bad news.

Scientology sounds like it has all the answers! It’s all there.
I mean, Tom said it best when he said, “It’s wild and woolly. It’s rough and tumble. It’s a blast. It’s a blast. I mean it is…..fun!”

Oooh!
I’m sooooooo excited!!!
I can’t wait to KSW with LRH while watching out for PTS’s and SP’s while getting help from Orgs.
Where’s my lighter?