Announcer: Do you like the Internet?
Crowd: YEEEAAAHH!!
Announcer: Do you like Gene Simmons?
Crowd: YEEEEAAAAHH!!!
Announcer: Do you Like KISS?
Crowd: YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!
Announcer: Do you like big breasted women?
Crowd: YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
Announcer: Do you wanna see Gene Simmons “kiss” a big breasted
woman on the Internet?
Crowd: Um…Not so much.

Well thats too bad, because a new website called Genessecret.com has come to the Internet. This website claims to dig deeper than Simmons’ reality show, The Family Jewels. (Oh, I think I vomited a little)

And yes ladies and gentlemen, the site does feature a home video featuring, the man who claims to have rogered more than 4900 women, Gene Simmons, bumping uglies with a very large chested, blonde female.

I can honestly say that I have not been this disturbed by a website since 2girls1cup.

Oh my God, why is this site on the internet?
Who wants to see this?
Does he have any idea of what is going to happen now, because I’ll tell you what’s gonna happen.

If this thing is successful, more and more aging rockers that have fallen into obscurity are going to start their own sites. Pretty soon Kip Winger and Dennis DeYoung are gonna start to release their private collection of booty vids on the Internet. And if they’re successful, then other even one hit wonders will start putting out their own sites.
God help us if the band Loverboy gets any ideas!

My question is if Gene Simmons is behind this, why did he do this? (Legitimacy of site is in question at time of posting) He doesn’t need the money? Everyone knows he’s boned tons of women, because he tells us every time there’s a microphone in his face.
We all know he lives with Shannon Tweed, but still diddles other women. What else does he have to prove?

He’s old, he’s creepy, he’s got a bad die job and a flabby rear.
…..I’ve been told.

Guhhhhhh!
This is worse than the time I found that tape in my grandma’s sock drawer.