Exposure to Tom Cruise may include the following: dizziness, anxiety, delirium, nausea, inability to sleep, irritability, homosexual thoughts, and suicidal behavior.
Use extreme discretion, and by any means do not operate a vehicle or heavy equipment for up to 8 hours after exposure to Tom Cruise.

According to a source speaking to Star magazine, “Katie doesn’t get enough sleep and hasn’t for months now. She’s tired and drained much of the day because Tom is so wired and they stay awake until after midnight. He has boundless energy and she just can’t compete.”

Couch jumping isn’t as easy as it looks.
It started with the excitement over his love for Katie, but now he does it everytime dinner’s ready, Suri goes poo, or even when he’s ready for bed.
Sources claim the couch has been modified by NASA to handle Cruise’s behavior.

It is also being reported that Katie is expected to lose weight for Tom and decorate the couple’s redonkulously expensive mansion.

The source adds, “It’s on Katie’s shoulders to pull off something beyond magnificent, something Tom can brag about. She’s giving herself headaches thinking about it and making herself sick.”

Who wouldn’t be sick of Tom Cruise?
Most of America is, and they’ve never even met him.
Can you imagine what he must be like in person?

I have to go take a Xanax just for thinking about that.