Dear Miley,
Howdy! How are ya? I’m fit as a fiddle.
I heard today that you are a vegetarian, but you don’t like vegetables. I hear tell you only eat pasta and weight only 95 pounds.
Kraft Easy Mac and Starbucks coffee is not a diet, girl — it’s a good way to get sick.
You see, sweetie, you need protein. You can get them from plants, but you gotta eat them. Try some nuts, whole grain pasta and soy. Adding a shot of hazelnut flavoring to your coffee isn’t enough, honey.
You also need iron — more than you can get from goobers. Humans usually get this from red meat. Also, the only naturally place to get vitamin B12 is from meat.
Let’s face it — we were meant to eat animals. You know your “fang” teeth? No, before you had ’em fix. Yeah, well, they’re there to rip at meat. It’s just horse sense.
Turns out popping a multivitamin won’t help much. Actually, it may hurt. Researchers in Denmark figured that one out, sweetie.
Bless your little heart, but you’re still growing. You need protein to grow or you’ll get all out of kilter.
You also need energy and caffeine will only take you so far.
Vegetarians usually reach puberty later, and I reckon you’re never gonna make it.
I figure, since you have a lot of pets, you’re a vegetarian because you can’t bring yourself to eat purdy little critters.
Some animals were just meant to be eaten. Fish? Food. Chickens? Food. Guinea pigs? Food.
Haven’t you ever just had a hankering for possum pie?
There’s some tasty vegetables out there. Have you been to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse? Of course not. Well, they make vegetables so good you’d slap your grandma to get some more. Their fresh broccoli is covered in cheese, and they serve enough to kill a horse. Their broiled tomatoes are darn near candy.
Beans are good. Iffin you don’t like green beans, eat some refried. You’ll poot a little, but you’ll feel better.
You make enough money to have your vegetables taste whatever way you want. Want a carrot to taste like a cookie? Tell ’em to get you some cookie-flavored carrots! They’ll skedaddle and get you some.
I’m all tore up over this. What in tarnation are you thinking? Eat your veggies!
5 responses so far ↓
1 Tom // Apr 18, 2008 at 7:30 am
You can also get B12 from fermented foods such as tempeh and ontjom and even better unfiltered beer.
2 Tom // Apr 18, 2008 at 7:36 am
We were meant to eat meat, but not very often. You notice that we only have two fang like teeth. Take a look at a dog’s or cat’s teeth. you’ll notice something different. We’re meant to eat meat every so often, but not really even every day. Once a month is more likely what primitive humans ate during the spring and summer and more often during the winter. Roots and berries were easier to get. You need about 30g of protein a day from all your foods. A hamburger has over 20g.
3 Kelman // Apr 18, 2008 at 7:53 am
there are multiple ‘natural’ ways to get vitamin b-12 outside of meat. Please refrain from sarcastic diatribes that necessitate making up information to suite your perspective.
Also, the concept of animals being ‘meant to be eaten’ is a strange and ungrounded assumption. I wonder if a large cats, bears, and sharks would place us in that category.
Finally, the concept of being ‘meant to eat animals’ is another distortion. hunting has played an important role in human evolution, particularly the scavenging of australopithecus 3 to 5 million years ago and homo-sapien hunters hundreds of thousands of years ago, but there is nothing about the biological make up of the human digestive system that necessitates the eating of meat. to suggest that humans evolved to have the capacity to consume meat in a way that related species, great apes and other primates, never developed would be completely accurate. but to suggest that humans evolved to rely on meat, in all circumstances, for survival and development would not be entirely accurate. certainly, it is not plausible, given the current global economic make-up, for everyone to achieve their ideal intake of vitamins and minerals without meat consumption; but on that same token it is not plausible for most people to do so with meat; the vast majority do not (let alone the fact that it is extremely unlikely that evolving homo ate this perfectly rounded diet that vegetarians are assumed to sacrifice). in fact, countless studies suggest that the vegetarian diet results in a higher intake of necessary and nutritious vitamins and minerals than non-vegetarian diets.
So yeah, anecdotal and sort of cute, but promoting false information is irresponsible. Miley Cyrus may not have a nutritious diet, but neither does the vast majority of this country, particularly teenage girls, and we should credit her for following her moral convictions rather than taking the easy way out and continue an easier morally objectionable behavior.
4 Vanilla // Apr 18, 2008 at 8:04 pm
She doesn’t only eat pasta. Face it, EVERYONE eats that stuff! Why get so mad at her for breaking a diet just ’cause she’s a celeb. Why bother doing thi? It’s not changing Miley?
It’s just changing your pathetic levelness… now its 99.9%
5 Natasha // Apr 20, 2008 at 11:44 am
wow i completely agree with all of this.
she doesnt eat meat or vegetables and she drinks coffee bean every day and is so skinny.
she cant be healthy.
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