Some people need practical advice — celebrities, even more so. This is dedicated to Emma Watson, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Ashlee Simpson and Emma Watson (yes, she needs to be listed twice).

How to get out of a car without exposing yourself in five easy steps:

Step 1: Pull down your dress. It probably traveled up while you were sitting there chatting on your cell phone. Who are you talking to anyway? Shouldn’t they be with you? Losers.

Step 2: Put your knees and thighs together. This may be unusual but try it.

Step 3: Open the car door all the way.

Step 4: Rotate to get your feet on the ground. Keep your legs together. Really, you’ll get used to it.

Step 5: Get up.

It really is simple. You’d think someone would have taught these gals this, especially the ones born into money. Classy is what classy does, not how much money you have. There is a class vacuum in Hollywood.

Whatever happened to pants? Whatever happened to underwear?

Speaking of underwear, if you are wearing a short dress put on some panties – opaque panties. “Opaque” means “not see-through.” That’s opaque, Emma.

White is poor choice of colors, too. Try black or, maybe, green. Green underwear is not sexy. Sorry. It reminds people of fungus.

Since we’re on the subject of underwear, brassieres are a good idea, too, for a night on the town or running to the store for groceries, Britney. If people can tell if it is cold in the room by looking at your chest, consider a padded brassiere or Band-Aids.

And the advice keeps rolling: If you are a celebrity that is followed by paparazzi 24/7, going topless at the beach will show up in the tabloids. Wearing a bikini will show up in the tabloids. Let’s face it, anything short of a burqini (look it up) will end up in the tabloids.

The paparazzi are good for one thing: they keep the muggers away. Celebrity women would be so easy to mug, and you know they have money. They carry a purse, a tiny dog, a cell phone and a tall Starbucks cup, which is quickly becoming the new must-have fashion accessory. They wouldn’t be able to fight back, not that 95 pounds in high heels wouldn’t be easy to knock over. Add in some Vodka and a strong breeze will knock them over for you.

Vodka may look like water, but it’s not the same, Lindsay.

And, finally, cell phones take photos and can be hacked into. Be care what you take photos of. Also, you don’t have to take photos of everything. Someone else will. They’ll tell you about it in the morning.