According to Britain’s Empire magazine, a revolting burger from Burger King saved “Iron Man” Robert Downey Jr. from drugs.

Driving around with a “ton of fucking dope” in his car, Robert pulled over for a burger and a drink.

“I have to thank Burger King,” he said. “It was such a disgusting burger I ordered. I had that, and this big soda, and I thought something really bad was going to happen.”

So, he did what any self-respecting drug addict would do – he dumped the ton of fucking dope in the ocean.

Poor fish. Poor incredibly high, stoned fish.

Now Robert is clean and sober thanks to Burger King.

Wow. If that’s all it takes to get someone off drugs, we should have a clean and sober nation. Has anyone ever got a delicious burger from Burger King? Mc Donald’s? Wendy’s/Arby’s?

Maybe we should start a rehab center that is catered by White Castle. It doesn’t get much more disgusting than that. It would clean them out in more than one way.

Imagine the life-changing experiences Taco Bell offers every day. Britney Spears is one chili cheese burrito away from being normal. Throw in a chalupa, she may be able to get her children back.

Paris Hilton obviously didn’t eat that Carl’s Jr. burger after all – she hasn’t turned her life around or gotten any marine life high.

Someone get Keith Richards a Hardee’s Monster Thickburger, stat!