Wimbledon organizers have agreed to not shoot any more pigeons around the All England Club.

Apparently shooting pests, such as the flying rats, bothers animal-rights groups, even when the vermin are a health risk to humans.

Considering pigeons are more important than the health of humans, it’s hard to argue with the animal-rights people.

So, the Wimbledon people are going to use a couple of hawks to do the dirty work for them.

Why? Hawks are a “deterrent.”

Uh, yeah. A hawk would never hurt a fellow bird, right? They just scare them, right? No pigeons will be killed, right?

No. It’s a food-chain thing. Hawks are higher on the food chain, so they kill pigeons and eat them. Humans, the lowest on the food chain, must only pet and admire other creatures, cute or not. Oh, wait, humans are at the top of the food chain. Sorry.

In this case, how is a hawk different than a gun? The marksmen who were killing the pigeons probably were not eating the pigeons, but that’s the only real difference.

Hawks naturally kill pigeons. Humans naturally kill, well, everything – tasty or not.

The group complaining is – wait for it – PETA. Shock! The group is upset because the pigeons, in their opinion, were being killed because they are an inconvenience to the players, not a health risk.

And? Regardless of whether a pigeon is a health risk or an inconvenience, they are pests and they have to go.

Why should humans have to tolerate pests? If there was a rat infestation of Wimbledon, would Wimbledon officials need to get some cats? Poison and traps would do the job faster and more effectively. Guns are faster and more effective, too. Shoot the pigeons!

If there were a multitude of fire ants in and around the All England Club, would PETA officials be willing to relocate the ants manually or would they want Wimbledon to get some anteaters?

Oh, just in case this happens, anteaters would not do well in the cold of England, and they prefer ant nests in trees, not the ground.  Also, the fire ants probably would be European fire ants, not the red imported fire ants that make living in the southern U.S. such a joy. You know, just in case.

BTW, there are pigeon traps, pigeon spikes and pigeon poisons. Once again, just in case.

Pigeons are a pest. There is no doubt about it. The droppings the precious pigeons leave are a hazard in many different ways, most of them more than an inconvenience: disease, contamination, infections and even bridges collapsing.

Finally, pigeons do taste good. Perhaps braised pigeons in chocolate sauce before the strawberries and cream would be nice. Yum!