TheBestWho’s intrepid reporter, Fox Howitzer, scored this exclusive interview with the shark that tasted American Idol’s Ryan Seacrest.

Fox: So, you’re the shark that allegedly bit Ryan Seacrest.
Shark: Yes, I am. You can call me Larry.
Fox: OK, Larry, why did you bite Seacrest?
Larry: I don’t know. I guess I wondered what he would taste like.
Fox: What does he taste like?
Larry: Just like you would imagine: Kind of like old chicken-noodle soup that has been left out too long next to the garbage disposal. Most celebrities taste like that.
Fox: You’ve bitten other celebrities?
Larry: More like tasted. You don’t need to bite in order to taste.
Fox: Like who?
Larry: I don’t wish to brag, but one celebrity’s name rhymes with “Tangelina Tolie.”
Fox: Really?
Larry: If I’m lying, I’m sleeping with the fish.
Fox: OK, back to Seacrest – why did you only take one bite? You could have finished him off!
Larry: I was going to, but I had second thoughts at the last second. I thought, “Seacrest isn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll just take a nibble.” He does have his saving graces.
Fox: Such as?
Larry: He has a self-effacing sense of humor. He doesn’t mind being the butt of a joke. And, he, ah – has nice feet?
Fox: That’s all you got?
Larry: Hey, look, I don’t tell you how to write. Don’t tell me how to eat. Remember, I’m the one who has tasted Seacrest meat.
Fox: You may not be alone there.
Larry: Excuse me?
Fox: Nothing. You left a tooth in Seacrest. How does that make you feel?
Larry: “If I was a tree, I would be a weeping willow.” What do you mean, “How does that make you feel?” Sharks lose teeth all the time. It’s no big deal.
Fox: He said it felt like being poked with a branch.
Larry: I’ll poke him with a branch!
Fox: You wouldn’t be the first.
Larry: What?
Fox: Never mind. You did cause him pain.
Larry: Yeah, that’s me. I’ve been known to cause some pain.
Fox: Would you do it again?
Larry: In a heartbeat, but, next time, I’m taking a leg.
Fox: What kind of shark are you? Great White?
Larry: I’m a Blue Shark, kind of a cousin to the Great White.
Fox: Wait, you’re a Blue Shark? Why, you’re delicious! I had some shark-fin soup the last time I was in Japan. I thought you were a threat!
Larry: Hey, don’t make me bit you! I’ll make an example of you! I will!
Fox: I thought Blue Sharks rarely get close to the shore.
Larry: This was Ryan Seacrest! I’ll swim close to shore for a nibble of that!
Fox: One last question, Larry – if you could saying anything to Seacrest right now, what would it be?
Larry: Hmmm, maybe “wash those feet once in a while, Ryan.”
Fox: Thank you, Larry.
Larry: Oh, no, thank you – Larry out!