“Outside are dogs, sorcerers, immoral people, murderers, idolaters, and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.” Rev. 22:15

The end times are truly upon us – “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” is the No. 1 movie in the country.

This further proves we will eat and eat again anything Disney puts before us. Talking dogs? Been there. Valley Girl speak? Been there, too. Together? There is no way this could be good.

And, yet, here we are with this stinking pile of dog poop as what we as a country have chosen to go see this past weekend. May the asteroid hit us now and put us out of our own misery!

OK, so the competition wasn’t that tough. “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist,” “Eagle Eye” and “Nights in Rodanthe” are all losers, too, with terrible titles.

If you had to make a decision of what movie to see based solely on titles, you would end up seeing the talking dog movie, too. Add in “Appaloosa,” “Lakeview Terrace” and “Burn After Reading” and no one knows what is going on in any of these movies.

Isn’t October reserved for horror movies? Throw up a movie like “Jason vs. Freddy, part 27,” and we’ll go see it – and be better off for it.

At least “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” didn’t go the low road and cast actors with stereotypical Hispanic voices. Oh, wait, it did.

Didn’t George Lopez, Cheech Marin, Paul Rodriguez, Edward James Olmos or Luis Guzman find the script a tiny bit degrading?

Is it that hard for Hispanics to get jobs in Hollywood that they had to take roles in a talking dog movie starring Chihuahuas? Did we learn nothing from Taco Bell?

Oh, that’s right – Disney owns Lopez, Marin and Rodriguez. We should expect more of the like from Disney, then.

So the movie has the message of “dogs are not fashion accessories.” So what? That message will be lost, buried under hundreds of images of Paris Hilton (she had 17 – one will surely match her outfit), Jessica Simpson, Misha Barton, Britney (look at me, I have three!) and Hilary Duff with their dog fashion accessories.

Here’s how you can tell if a dog is a pet or a fashion accessory: Rub the dog on your hair and stick it to a wall. If it stays, it’s a fashion accessory. If it bites you, it’s a pet you just ticked off.

Here’s how you can tell if a dog is a pet or a prisoner: Open the door to your house. If the dog runs away never to return, it was a prisoner. If it stays or does return, kick the dog out the door and see if it returns then. Repeat as necessary.