If you were thinking of buying Lynne Spears’ book, “Through the Storm,” to get some parenting tips from this celebrity mom, you may want to save your money. There are no chapters on how not to get pregnant.

Jamie Lynn apparently believes that breast feeding is a form of birth control. Sorry, nope. Because  Jamie Lynn is so well informed, she may be pregnant again.

Jamie Lynn, how about having that sperm sprinkler you call your “fiancé” wrap that rascal? Is he too dumb to figure out a condom? Here’s a helpful tip: it goes on the penis.

Oh, and there’s birth control for women, too. Actually, there is a whole bunch of ways to keep the babies from coming: pills, injections, diaphragms, IUDs, sponges, caps, spermicides, patches, rings, implants and, of course, keeping your legs closed.

Apparently, Lynne didn’t tell her daughters about this. They seem to be learning from the streets. Well, if that’s the case, perhaps the whole Spears family needs to know the following: there is no “safe time” of the month, “pulling out” doesn’t work, douching doesn’t work, throwing salt over your left shoulder doesn’t work and keeping one foot on the floor doesn’t work.

The fact that Lynne thought Jamie Lynn was a virgin and joking when she turned up pregnant the first time shows a lack of parental supervision. Lynne, if you thought Jamie Lynn was smarter than that, you obviously haven’t met your daughters.

While we’re at it, perhaps a lot of distracted parents should find the time to drop a few condoms off in their underaged children’s rooms. Yes, this includes nominees for vice president of the United States. If you’re not going to talk to them about the birds and the bees, be assured they will figure it out themselves.

Oh, and they know about condoms, too. They’ve heard all the “safe sex” talks, but they don’t make the connection between condoms and preventing pregnancy.  In their minds, condoms prevent STDs, not pregnancy. If you are not having anal sex with an HIV-positive pimp, you don’t need condoms.

Well, sorry, again. Condoms are for everyone! Heck, if you – or someone you know – are in the public eye, make your man wear a condom even if you are just talking to him on the telephone.

Of course, Jamie Lynn met her sperm donor at church, and churches frown on using birth control. It’s the whole “Be fruitful and multiple” thing. You know what else churches frown upon? Pre-marital sex.

So, if you’re going to be sinning, be safe. Use a condom.