Editor’s Note: This is a parody, not an actual story. You get jokes, right?
After the U.S. Attorney’s Office closed the case on Heath Ledger’s overdose, President George W. Bush pushed for an investigation into Lindsay Lohan’s ties with the death.

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In the new movie “The Wackness” Mary-Kate Olsen makes out with Sir Ben Kingsley. Sir Ben told People magazine, “She was completely in charge.”
Ewww.

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